As It Were

by Marietta

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1.
Pony Up!! 02:47
Come on, come on, these breaths grow thinner. The length of words spent talking about what's wrong, how long, still gone, move on. blinded by the better parts of new things to come. Left hand in hand with life unsettled. Begone from me an everlasting sigh sent skyward, marching on and on and on. Marching ever onward to the beat of my lungs. On and on and on and on, wish i could sleep until the day is done. Let's not contemplate what follows it could be today or next year, we're goners. Let me go. Let me go on and on and on and on. Let's not contemplate what follows it could be today or next year, we're goners. If you can't seem to help but feel the sorrow, remember that yesterday once was tomorrow. Let me go.
2.
Beater 03:42
Too much I only need enough to be entirely Consumed Enough to digest what is left of my nonsense No one needed you I had more to lose No wonder why You're a recluse And I cut you when I didn't know anything more than "too cute", or "no use" It's just not that easy to be around. Stay cool when you're losin' Because truthfully you're still worthless My dreams bleed into mornings My nights bleed into dreams (I am pulling out my eyes so I can see inside my pockets It's time that makes the fingers dry, the bony breaks you find in your skin, dormant)
3.
Horse Tattoo 02:33
Lay down and let your body grow old, unwind your tethered soul. In ways that we we never told. I wore myself out wishing myself down south. Life's teeth sink like a stone into my still raspy throat. Shoes don't last so long in the city, gravel tearing at our soles. Shoes don't last so long in the city, gravel tearing at our souls. And I attest to growing wild, what if I just disappear? If I am blessed, then where's my fire?Let it all just disappear. What if I just disappear? Shoes don't last so long in the city, I'm sorry, it hurts to be all that I am.
4.
And it got cold in Essex County When the old sat there side by side Building tombs in the form of houses Burying the rest of Old Joe's mind And I can see them sitting Aging into the light Tucker into Someplace, Toranto Saying, "why can't you be alive?" And it got cold in Essex County When they sat next to their graves Screaming to nothing If they could have just one more day And all the drugs didn't help a thing But fill his knees with epic pain At the moment he let out a smile Because at least he felt something You wrote me off, I called it funny Too troublesome, too tongue in cheek. I made friends with your distance presence But by myself all I had was silence Your cozy glare turned my eyes bloodshot I missed you most when I could sleep I know that my brother is better than he thinks he is, maybe we should call each other And I'll sit on top this train, spread myself out and open the holes in my head Spill out the contents of my brain, give them to Joe to bring him back from the dead Give me another bottle, so I don't mash my teeth I won't be another animal, but maybe that's what I need Lord knows I've been tryin', but human ain't my thing Maybe all those pretty Ativan will feel better inside my skin Lighting my lighter in my pocket reminding me that I'm here (Am I imaginary, or is my voice not loud enough?)
5.
Trust me, don't think. Corrode me inside a brain wave. Don't bleed, trust me. You'll only be losing iron and dumb faith. It's news to me that I haven't been thinking clearly Get help, alleviate yourself inside a numbing hell. While houses far away are ticking, admitting window pain I've run into several problems regarding your thoughtful progress "You're not what I need, you've never have been. I barely noticed your pale presence." That put me too deep, crying to your knees, realizing I'm incomplete I sucked in too much, reach into my gut, pulled everything out including the touch Well maybe (it's shocking) That you stayed (and I left) I'm not a promise (or a keeper) So I'll haunt you until you remain My head split in two directions But I'm doing alright I can't remember when things were this quiet. How do I say goodbye when I know you're dying?
6.
I couldn't help it if I was staring at the back of your car. Were you imagining the street signs stopping all night long? And I am pitiful at best when you call me just to talk. And I am fending off the bitter feeling in my lungs.
7.
I've been toeing the line of daylight. Indifference's shine is too bright, I wonder on and on. And I could never see you for the tree line, covering Jersey's outline. I'm screaming out words like they're all mine, like "where has the glow gone?" Big hearts, give it a rest. Keep close to the chest, pretenders we are. (I give up) What's worse and what's funny - I'm a nobody closer to feeling like I'm meant to be here all the same. I'm still held together by poorly stitched up times, can't last forever. If only I had something, something to hold on to. And if I tear myself in two, one half would be for you. A heavy heart, a weight too soon, that time can't undo. I'm still held together, by poorly stitched up times, can't last forever. If only I had something, something to hold on to.
8.
United Away 02:41
Sleep is getting the best of me I can't even bring myself to blink Why can't the cold be inside my old knees? I know it probably sucks But I've hung around far too much I got tired when you were away For you to stay in just one place I'm too scared to tell you there's nothing left You're just a floating spectre inside my head There is dirt inside my palms from every unused drug Caught me sleeping, I'm just fucked up, I'm here missing everyone
9.
I feel much better now that both legs are awake. I've got pins and needles everyday I wake. I feel much older now that I'm standing in place. These legs move forward, a blessing I will take. So say it with me, you were right. I won't feel it when we collide. It turned me backwards to see you running away. My legs were sturdy planted that day. So if I'm rooted, close to the ground I will stay. I feel no movement in my hollow frame. Do you feel useless? Instinct will make you feel you're not the only one, alone. Today I wanted to be more than something that breathes. I feel much better.
10.
So get caught Or quit life Whatever you want I got fucked Too quick Perfectly too blunt I know what I need (shiny meds) All at once, my form of lent Cure me (I'm cured, I think) It's too early for disease And I'm clean, cleaner, but still not a saint I washed my hands too fast, I plugged my head into an empty glass But I swear I'm fine, still not a saint, but more or less refined I washed my hands in brass, I fear I'll drown in a holy bath Cure me Deliver me unto a body with less insecurity But I turned around this time And I'll leave without regard to me and mine I came to you when I couldn't shut anything out I promised myself that I wouldn't melt into the ground But here I am, in an earthly, woolen bed Making friends with the far too many thoughts in my head I swear I'm fine Oh, god, I hope I'm fine You're always so welcoming I'm always too anxious Too quiet and discreet I'm perfectly inconspicuous Can't you tell me I'm too tired to think To get the words out of my mouth Just let them die in their own clout
11.
Brains 02:46
Am I dead, well if I am, how come I am still a kid Warm with piss, I shouted to sis, "can you make it better with a big kiss" Maybe it was the start of this month that has me entirely too fucked up Or maybe I'm just getting too old, trapped in the back with the rest of the world Maybe I'm just ancient To my old friends Or maybe I'm just making things up But I don't really think I could So I'll comb my hair, look at you stare as you're ripped apart by a mad bear I'm not sleeping, I'm not dreaming, so I guess I'm just waiting For someone to say that it's okay that you had to go away Cut in two, completely see through, losing control of what's me and you Just let me slip into the white nice room, that you painted me into I promise that I won't make any noise or make things worse than they have to Teach me how to not care about These tiny feelings that have me up at night for nothing. Maybe I'm just ancient To all of my friends Or maybe I'm just making things up But I hope that I never could

about

Recorded at Sleepless Sound Studios, Studios A & C at Drexel University, and probably more places by Travis Arterburn, Jake Ewald & Ian Farmer
Mixed by Jake Ewald
Mastered by Ian Farmer

Additional vocals by Shmem Rose, Emily Johnson, and Maddie McGlade
Additional vocals on track 11 by Laura Godshalk
Piano on track 6 by Travis Arterburn

Photo by Ian Farmer
Design by Ben Johnson

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released August 17, 2015

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Marietta Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

philly emo/punk
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