As It Were

by Marietta

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Recorded at Sleepless Sound Studios, Studios A & C at Drexel University, and probably more places by Travis Arterburn, Jake Ewald & Ian Farmer
Mixed by Jake Ewald
Mastered by Ian Farmer

Additional vocals by Shmem Rose, Emily Johnson, and Maddie McGlade
Additional vocals on track 11 by Laura Godshalk
Piano on track 6 by Travis Arterburn

Photo by Ian Farmer
Design by Ben Johnson


released August 17, 2015


all rights reserved



Marietta Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

philly emo/punk

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Track Name: Pony Up!!
Come on, come on, these breaths grow thinner.
The length of words spent talking about what's wrong, how long, still gone, move on.
blinded by the better parts of new things to come.

Left hand in hand with life unsettled.
Begone from me an everlasting sigh sent skyward, marching on and on and on.
Marching ever onward to the beat of my lungs.

On and on and on and on,
wish i could sleep until the day is done.

Let's not contemplate what follows
it could be today or next year, we're goners.
Let me go.

Let me go on and on and on and on.

Let's not contemplate what follows
it could be today or next year, we're goners.
If you can't seem to help but feel the sorrow,
remember that yesterday once was tomorrow.
Let me go.
Track Name: Beater
Too much
I only need enough to be entirely
Enough to digest what is left of my nonsense

No one needed you
I had more to lose
No wonder why
You're a recluse

And I cut you when I didn't know anything more than "too cute", or "no use"

It's just not that easy to be around.

Stay cool when you're losin'
Because truthfully you're still worthless

My dreams bleed into mornings
My nights bleed into dreams
(I am pulling out my eyes so I can see inside my pockets
It's time that makes the fingers dry, the bony breaks you find in your skin, dormant)
Track Name: Horse Tattoo
Lay down and let your body grow old, unwind your tethered soul.
In ways that we we never told.

I wore myself out wishing myself down south.
Life's teeth sink like a stone into my still raspy throat.

Shoes don't last so long in the city,
gravel tearing at our soles.
Shoes don't last so long in the city,
gravel tearing at our souls.

And I attest to growing wild,
what if I just disappear?
If I am blessed, then where's my fire?Let it all just disappear.

What if I just disappear?

Shoes don't last so long in the city,
I'm sorry, it hurts to be all that I am.
Track Name: Are You Afraid of God? No, But I'm Afraid of You
And it got cold in Essex County
When the old sat there side by side
Building tombs in the form of houses
Burying the rest of Old Joe's mind

And I can see them sitting
Aging into the light
Tucker into Someplace, Toranto
Saying, "why can't you be alive?"

And it got cold in Essex County
When they sat next to their graves
Screaming to nothing
If they could have just one more day

And all the drugs didn't help a thing
But fill his knees with epic pain
At the moment he let out a smile
Because at least he felt something

You wrote me off, I called it funny
Too troublesome, too tongue in cheek.
I made friends with your distance presence
But by myself all I had was silence
Your cozy glare turned my eyes bloodshot
I missed you most when I could sleep

I know that my brother is better than he thinks he is, maybe we should call each other
And I'll sit on top this train, spread myself out and open the holes in my head
Spill out the contents of my brain, give them to Joe to bring him back from the dead

Give me another bottle, so I don't mash my teeth
I won't be another animal, but maybe that's what I need
Lord knows I've been tryin', but human ain't my thing
Maybe all those pretty Ativan will feel better inside my skin

Lighting my lighter in my pocket reminding me that I'm here
(Am I imaginary, or is my voice not loud enough?)
Track Name: 5 Minute Raw Vegan (Are You Fucking Around?)
Trust me, don't think. Corrode me inside a brain wave.
Don't bleed, trust me. You'll only be losing iron and dumb faith.

It's news to me that I haven't been thinking clearly
Get help, alleviate yourself inside a numbing hell.

While houses far away are ticking, admitting window pain

I've run into several problems regarding your thoughtful progress
"You're not what I need, you've never have been. I barely noticed your pale presence."
That put me too deep, crying to your knees, realizing I'm incomplete
I sucked in too much, reach into my gut, pulled everything out including the touch

Well maybe (it's shocking)
That you stayed (and I left)
I'm not a promise (or a keeper)
So I'll haunt you until you remain

My head split in two directions
But I'm doing alright

I can't remember when things were this quiet. How do I say goodbye when I know you're dying?
Track Name: Ilai, Eli, A Lie
I couldn't help it if I was staring at the back of your car.
Were you imagining the street signs stopping all night long?
And I am pitiful at best when you call me just to talk.
And I am fending off the bitter feeling in my lungs.
Track Name: No God In New Jersey
I've been toeing the line of daylight.
Indifference's shine is too bright,
I wonder on and on.

And I could never see you for the tree line,
covering Jersey's outline.
I'm screaming out words like they're all mine,
like "where has the glow gone?"

Big hearts, give it a rest.
Keep close to the chest, pretenders we are.

(I give up)
What's worse and what's funny - I'm a nobody closer to feeling
like I'm meant to be here all the same.

I'm still held together by poorly stitched up times, can't last forever.
If only I had something, something to hold on to.

And if I tear myself in two,
one half would be for you.
A heavy heart, a weight too soon,
that time can't undo.

I'm still held together, by poorly stitched up times, can't last forever.
If only I had something, something to hold on to.
Track Name: United Away
Sleep is getting the best of me
I can't even bring myself to blink

Why can't the cold be inside my old knees?

I know it probably sucks
But I've hung around far too much
I got tired when you were away
For you to stay in just one place

I'm too scared to tell you there's nothing left
You're just a floating spectre inside my head

There is dirt inside my palms from every unused drug
Caught me sleeping, I'm just fucked up, I'm here missing everyone
Track Name: Destination Unknown (Reprise)
I feel much better now that both legs are awake.
I've got pins and needles everyday I wake.

I feel much older now that I'm standing in place.
These legs move forward, a blessing I will take.

So say it with me, you were right.
I won't feel it when we collide.

It turned me backwards to see you running away.
My legs were sturdy planted that day.

So if I'm rooted, close to the ground I will stay.
I feel no movement in my hollow frame.

Do you feel useless?
Instinct will make you feel you're not the only one, alone.

Today I wanted to be more than something that breathes.

I feel much better.
Track Name: Hawaii 5-0 Noseblunt
So get caught
Or quit life
Whatever you want
I got fucked
Too quick
Perfectly too blunt

I know what I need (shiny meds)
All at once, my form of lent
Cure me (I'm cured, I think)
It's too early for disease

And I'm clean, cleaner, but still not a saint
I washed my hands too fast, I plugged my head into an empty glass
But I swear I'm fine, still not a saint, but more or less refined
I washed my hands in brass, I fear I'll drown in a holy bath

Cure me
Deliver me unto a body with less insecurity
But I turned around this time
And I'll leave without regard to me and mine

I came to you when I couldn't shut anything out
I promised myself that I wouldn't melt into the ground
But here I am, in an earthly, woolen bed
Making friends with the far too many thoughts in my head

I swear I'm fine
Oh, god, I hope I'm fine

You're always so welcoming
I'm always too anxious
Too quiet and discreet
I'm perfectly inconspicuous
Can't you tell me
I'm too tired to think
To get the words out of my mouth
Just let them die in their own clout
Track Name: Brains
Am I dead, well if I am, how come I am still a kid
Warm with piss, I shouted to sis, "can you make it better with a big kiss"
Maybe it was the start of this month that has me entirely too fucked up
Or maybe I'm just getting too old, trapped in the back with the rest of the world

Maybe I'm just ancient
To my old friends
Or maybe I'm just making things up
But I don't really think I could

So I'll comb my hair, look at you stare as you're ripped apart by a mad bear
I'm not sleeping, I'm not dreaming, so I guess I'm just waiting
For someone to say that it's okay that you had to go away
Cut in two, completely see through, losing control of what's me and you

Just let me slip into the white nice room, that you painted me into
I promise that I won't make any noise or make things worse than they have to

Teach me how to not care about
These tiny feelings that have me up at night for nothing.

Maybe I'm just ancient
To all of my friends
Or maybe I'm just making things up
But I hope that I never could

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